Watching the Red Sox. Looking for my mom

Did your mother coach your Little League team? Mine did. On #RedSox home opener day, my nostalgic reminincience, for WBUR Cognoscenti.

Red Sox beards vs. Dwarf beards from The Hobbit

Who is Fili and who is Napoli? Balin vs. Buchholz? Ori or Ortiz?

Here's a "Beard Blueprint" --- my guide to the Red Sox vs. Hobbit dwarf beards.

According to The Hobbit, Thorin Oakenshield, head honcho of the dwarven company, had the longest beard. He also wore a sky blue hood with a large silver tassle. On the World Champion of American and Canada Red Sox squad, known to wear Navy blue war helmets and caps, I'd give Fullest Beard Award to Mike Napoli, Grayest and Wisest Beard to David Ross, Wildest Beard to Jonny Gomes and Creepiest Leprechaun Beard medal to Clay Buchholz. (For those making the Gandalf = Manager comparison, Sox skipper John Farrell resisted the urge to get all hirsute on us.) 

Yes, these beards rule. But I can't help but think it's a shame that Ortiz wouldn't weave into his whiskers some silver or gold bling, or that Pedroia wouldn't let his grow into a great braided loop a la Bombur.

Note: Since this chart, some of the Sox beards have gotten even longer. And weider. And wilder.